hesitantly I stood,
while he placed my heart
in my cold hands.
He didn’t want it anymore,
neither did I.
Valves and veins scared me,
its obsessive pulsing unnerving.
The rhythmic beat of its song,
so painful, so hollow.
Between my ribs and behind my lungs
was this empty cave.
It used to hold the strongest part of me,
Nothing to pump blood
Or keep time.
Nothing to make me scream
If I didn’t feel I didn’t fear.
I watched it beat
so relentless and unyielding.
As it danced in my palms,
I recognized its poetry.
Facing the truth
I realized I would always be a prisoner,
I would always have this cardiovascular cage.
Oh how I ache for it
In the hollows of my bones
and deep in the black of my eyes.
I yearn for what is gone.
My hands reach out to grasp it,
but with empty palms and fading prospect
I let my fingernails dig deep into my skin.
I cannot hold onto it.
Memories fade rapidly,
children’s chalk art in the rain.
The colors aren’t as crisp,
faces become blurry and distant.
It’s easier this way,
but how it hurts to move on.
There is something ghostly about it all,
almost seeing things I know cannot be.
Flickering moments glowing dimly
in the chambers of my heart and mind.
I am haunted by the elapsed existence
of what use to be.
But I will not let it take me.
Memory will not be the end of me.
I sort through every instant,
keeping only the lovely and noble,
demanding the dim and daunting away.
With clear eyes and strong bones,
I embellish tomorrow
with yesterday’s lace.
"Eventually, all wounds will heal. And with enough time, you might even forget how you got them."-Thoughts (22)
I doubt you know you hurt me
And I guess I’m half to blame
Cuz while you were just having fun
To me this was no game
You think you made no promises
You didn’t think I’d break
You’ve totally just moved on
While I realize “we” were fake
You didn’t mean any of it
All the fun things you would say l
I believed you cuz I thought them true
Till you quietly slipped away
I see that now your with her
And it rips me up a bit
I doubt you even like her
But that’s a detail you’ll omit
I don’t even want you back
It’s not you that I miss
It’s the guy I thought you were
He’s the one I want to kiss
So now I’ll give myself some time
I’ll try so hard just to forget
So we can be “ just friends”
An empty silhouette
Being stupid just because I can
it’s taking all of me not to email you right now!
it brakes my heart.
looks like him .. missing him
Well I leave tomorrow to become a missionary of the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints. I will be gone for 18 months and since I’m not allowed to use the Internet for fun this is goodbye. I’m so so excited and a bit nervous as well but this is something I have wanted to do all my life and it’s finally here! I want to say thanks to you on tumblr who have been so lovely. I’m so excited to serve the lord and to teach such a beautiful loving message. I’m have seen the lord bless my life so much and I’m happy to share that joy. I hope the next 18 months bring you joy and peace and all the happiness in the world! With all my love, Kate